2/5/2005 - Show Preparations

I'm currently setting up a scenario in which four potential romantic partners may converge at my show next Saturday. My plan is to throw my oiled up body in the middle of these women, like the lion keeper tossing a hunk of meat to the animals. Let them figure out who gets what, if you know what I mean.

Honestly, I think I'm a little full of myself. Of the four women...

• The first has very openly and genuinely shown romantic interest in me. She directly asked me out. Why not? DBAs are hot.


• The second is taking a lot of time to get to know me, but is still clearly proceeding down the path of romantic involvement. She's a nice girl. A really nice girl. Exactly what I want, except I want the nice girl to have a certain edge, privately, that I won't elaborate on.


• The third is either artfully manipulating me or she really doesn't like me. I like to think that she's artfully manipulating me, the little minx. Honestly, odds are that she's not into me, but I'm madly in love with me, so why wouldn't she be? I can't let her make the biggest mistake of her life by walking away from me.


• The fourth is a woman from my past who may just want to use me as an object. Who can blame her? I act like one, why not treat me like one?

Additionally, I had told my daughter that, while I think her mother is a great person and I have a lot of respect for her, I will never get back together with her. However, I would be open to a little (insert squeaking bed sound) on the side. Sexy readers, I was joking. I swear, I was joking. I talk big, but I'm a prude.

Daughter told me that she told her mother! I asked her to tell me, word for word, what she said to her mother.

"My dad said that he doesn't want to get back together, but he's open to a little ee-oo-ee-oo on the side."
"You said 'ee-oo-ee-oo'?"
"Yes."
"I didn't want you to tell her!"
"Sorry."
Pause. Okay, gang, I'm only human. "What did she say?"

There's also a neighborhood woman with an incredibly hot body who has become available again, and had shown interest a few years back.

Of these women, I know exactly which one I want, but I'm also a realist. Maybe that won't work, and if not, I'm back to my good old jaded ways.