1/30/2005 - EVERYTHING SUCKS!

Everything sucks. I'm serious. Everything.

I'm sure that some things don't suck, but I choose right now to focus on everything that does suck.

The reason is actually quite simple. It's purely chemical. I drank some alcohol last night. CC had to cancel, so I went out with my singer and had some beers. I know my limit. Three beers over the course of an entire night. I'll feel it the next day, but it won't be bad.

I had four beers last night. I was thinking that I'd tear it up and at least have some good memories of Joe and I acting crazy. Dance with some ladies, tell stupid jokes, and have some funny story to tell the next day.

That didn't happen. I was just in a bad mood. Joe had a great time, and met some honey. Me... I sat at the table thinking "I really just want to go to bed." What a wet blanket!

I woke up this morning and started getting ready to go to church. A little salvation should buck me back up, right? I started thinking about it, though. I really didn't want people to be nice to me, and people at church are going to say "Hi! How are you? It's so nice to see you!" I didn't want my fellow Lutherans to hear me say, "Don't talk to me, sunshine. I'm so not in the mood."

So I skipped church. It's a lousy reason, but seriously, I'm just in a bad mood, and I want to baste myself in anger and frustration for a few more hours.

I'm not usually such a jerk. Actually, I think I turn here to write about it every single time that I feel like being a jerk.

So here's a list of the things that suck.
Work
I'm getting pulled in two different directions, and I feel like if I don't satisfy both, then the one I don't satisfy is going to go away, then the one I do satisfy will end, and zap, I'm out of a job.
Additionally, I'm one to evaluate everything individually, and I don't try to use cookie cutter approaches to anything. I had the impression that someone was trying to use a cookie cutter approach, and was reading my dissention as ignorance. Hey, you're trying to Kentucky Fry a turkey - it's close, but it's just not quite right.

Relationships
I've given up on K-3, not gonna try anymore. I've been that way for a week, and she asked me on Friday "What has been wrong with you this past week?"
"Aw, crap. You wanna fight with me, too?"
"Yes, actually I do!"
"Good, cuz I'll fight!"
"Then fight with me!"
Oh, sweet Lord, I was so incredibly turned on by that. I didn't fight with her, though, because the dam was going to break if we fought, and there were other people there. The scenario would have either ended with us hating each other, or there would have been extreme nudity. The breaking dam will have to wait.

My Shoulder
I was so frustrated with feeling frustrated that I started lifting weights. Exercise when you have that "everything sucks" feeling is the best thing you can do. So I got some weight ready, and started lifting. Near the end, my right shoulder started to feel a lot of pain. Spend approximately fifteen years using a mouse, and something ends up out of place in your shoulder.
Because of the pain, I couldn't finish. Work through strain, work through pressure, work through aches, but the second you get a sharp stabbing pain, you should probably take that as a sign.
That really made me mad. I was incapable of doing the one thing that was really going to help me.

So, to cheer myself up, what did I do? I went out and picked up The Passion of the Christ to watch tonight. Cheery, eh?