1/26/2005 - My Next Ex-Wife

I have an interesting story about how my path first crossed with my next ex-wife, but I will tell that story another time. A few of my close friends have already heard it, but the story is best relegated to a separate post.

I will name my next ex-wife "M-Word", although her name isn't quite Mary. I'm only taking the time to name her because I think it's fun to make up names for the ladies in my life, but M-Word hasn't even officially entered my life.

However, this post isn't about all that. It's about this: I emailed a picture of M-Word to my friends, saying "Meet my next ex-wife. Whoever I pick to be my best man is also expected to console me during the inevitable divorce."

While having lunch with my friend Inigo today, he asked "Why do you assume it's going to end in divorce?"
I looked at him, wondering how a man who has known me nearly 5 years could ask such a newbie question of me. "C'mon, man," I sighed. "My pickup line is 'How many divorces do you consider to be too many?'"
Trikky, also at lunch with us, had stated that, since she had been there for me through the last divorce, I can count her in through the next one, too. What a dear.

I tell people that I laugh, because if I didn't, I'd probably cry. Whenever I say that, there's a really awkward silence, which seems to imply that they think I'm dead serious.

Philosophy time, sexy readers. If I didn't laugh about it, I'd probably just go eat some chocolate, or listen to some techno, or maybe trim my toenails. I'm over the divorces. I put in the introspective time, and it was a lot of very deep introspection, which culminated just over a year ago when I realized that my introspection was part of the problem in my life.

So now I joke about it, solely because I think it's funny. My past experiences with women can be compared to that fly that keeps whapping against the window, trying to get outside. The fly doesn't realize that 1) he's only hurting himself, 2) the window, even though he doesn't understand why, is still not going to let him through, and 3) the fly's probably better off hanging out inside for a while. Just land on someone's food for a little bit, and maybe the door will open later.

I think that, if the fly stopped for a minute and thought about it, he'd laugh, too. "Dude... I kept hitting the glass. Repeatedly! Never did it occur to me 'this doesn't seem to be working out'! Isn't that hilarious?"

Laugh, sexy readers. Seriously.