8/14/2004 - Children

It's a cop-out. Every comedian with children does the whole bit about the crazy things children do. However, I'm not a comedian - I'm a funny guy. So it's cool.

Saturday morning. It's time to think about groceries, cleaning, laundry, etc. So I flip the switch on the vacuum, and it sounds really funny. I put my hand by the... do they call it the exhaust? Whatever it's called, it's where the air blows out, and there was barely any air blowing out. I won't go through all my troubleshooting, but there was a clog.

So what was clogging it? Seashells.

I don't know what else to say. I think that this should be enough to cause a mental train wreck. Seashells. Say it with me. Seashells. Someone thought it would be wise to vacuum up seashells.

I'm a slow person mentally. Not that I'm dumb, but it takes me a long time to fathom things completely. I actually took a brain chemistry evaluation, and it said something about my slow neuro-transmission. Hell, I already knew that, and I'm the one who's slow.

So I stood there, picturing the scene, trying to make sense of what would possess any human to vacuum up seashells. It actually did whet my imagination. Think of the satisfying sound of seashells clattering up a vacuum hose.

So the conversation followed...
"Child"
"(yawn) What?"
"Why did you vacuum up seashells"
"I didn't"

Heh - sweet. This is the essence of having children. Kids rock.