3/15/2005 - Birthday Party In Detail

Inigo's birthday party was a pretty big success. Everyone had fun, and it was the kind of fun that I can get into - most people's clothes stayed on, my neighbors were able to sleep through it, but we all still had a damned good time.

About my neighbors, I only have one "neighbor" that is within earshot, and I've got to be lighting off fireworks in my front yard for it to be bothersome to them. My place is perfect for the kind of party that I throw. Everyone can talk, laugh, yell, and dance while they are inside my house, and the "neighbors" (one house, about 70 yards away) don't hear a thing. I grew up in Detroit, where "neighbor" meant that you could hear them having sex. Dang, that was disturbing sometimes. There are reasons I moved out to the country.

Side note - why is it called "having" sex. Shouldn't it be "doing" sex?

Back to the party -
Here are some pictures
Here are the highlights in my mind:

• Sarah kept cleaning my kitchen. Baby, you give me a call if Pepper ever leaves you. I'm in line


• I am the uncontested Master Margarita Maker (except Shannon said that she could make a better margarita, which would tick me off, except she bartends on the weekends, so, if anyone could, she could, but it's still just not cool to say)


• Two people, male and female, who shall remain nameless, tested the weight limits on my card table. Thanks, guys. I remember thinking "it's 4am, and nothing's broken yet, so it's 'bout damn time someone busted some of my stuff", but the damn thing held up. Additionally, I had an incredible view of some mildly raunchy action (still clothed), and I was willing to sacrifice a card table for the memories. I have the mental image in my mind, and I still have my card table. SCORE!


• I started yelling at people when Cindy was trying to leave and someone was behind her and no one was moving their car. "Y'all just get up and go check! All of you! Now!"


• I kept telling Cindy that she looked fantastic. She looks fantastic. You're a damn lucky man, Steve.


• Boo cannot look at a camera without making some kinda face


• Someone wrote "I ♥ J" in my garage with my kids' sidewalk chalk. Whoever you are (and I think I know who it is, you sweet hottub honey), I heart you, too

As mentioned in the previous post, we went through four rolls of toilet paper. Four rolls! It wasn't a huge party - it was under 30 people. This just absolutely drops my drawers. Four rolls of toilet paper. I'm not concerned about the expense or anything. I'm concerned about whoever needed that much toilet paper. Maybe we should see a doctor about that.

I'll skip the analysis, and take this to its logical conclusion: One of my friends eats toilet paper.

I'm an open-minded guy. Don't be ashamed, toilet-paper-eating friend. We all have... eccentricites. Me, I like to eat crackers in bed. Just let me know next time, and I'll have a couple rolls on the table.