11/22/2004 - Camden?

I wouldn't mind if crime in Detroit had decreased. I passionately love my hometown. I lived in Detroit suburbs for a good portion of my life, and I plan to one day write a book about it. I already have the title - "On A Clear Day, You Can Smell The Burn". "The Burn" was the nickname for the trash incinerator. No one steal that name for my book. It is mine.

One of my favorite things about Detroit was the graffiti. I don't mean this as a joke. It was very likely that it was one single fellow who wrote some of my favorite graffiti. His work usually consisted of editing other people's graffiti. As an example, for about one week back in the 80's, the original graffiti on an overpass along I-94 read as follows:

"Free Chairman Gonzalo"

After the first week, it was edited by my mystery graffitist to read as follows:

"Free Chairman Gonzalo
with any purchase!"

That particular work of genius lasted for years. I was sad to see that one cleaned up.

Another beautiful thing about Detroit is the attitude. Detroit struggled against New York for the title of Most Dangerous City for a long time. However, Detroit actually took pride in the competition. There were actually t-shirts printed up like -
"Detroit - where the weak are killed and eaten"
"I'm so bad, I vacation in Detroit"
"I'm from Detroit... what's your problem?"

I remember when we first overtook New York in murders. Not per capita - total number of murders. Detroit, a city about 1/8th the population of New York, had a higher number of murders than New York. Ted Nugent took to the air waves and said -
"Detroiters aren't necessarily more violent, we're just a better shot."

Detroit is a fantastic city. There are areas that aren't safe, and there is violence, but it's not like you walk down the street and people randomly shoot at you. I have vacationed in Detroit. I have introduced people to Detroit and heard them say "Wow, I never knew it, but this place is great!"

It's like poor little Camden got inadvertently caught up in our competition. We'd see the scores one year, and it would be Detroit. "Aw, man, that's our team guys... we gotta clean up the image," laugh about it then move on. The next year, it would be St. Louis, and we'd sing, to the tune of Nyah-Nyah, "You guys are more dangerous." However, when we heard Camden this morning, we all thought "... who?"

Picture little Camden, standing there with those little fists raised, saying "That's right, bitches!"

I feel a little put out. It's not like I'm thrilled that Detroit has a lot of murders and stuff. Similarly, I'm not thrilled with being divorced twice, either, but we learn to focus on the future. Following this analogy, it would be like seeing a guy younger than me getting in my face and saying "Ha! I've been divorced three times!"

Camden, I'm sorry. Buck up, though. I'm sure that St. Louis will step up the crime.