8/31/2004 - Dirty Spam

Spam fascinates me. A common one that I've seen lately is an advertisement for "discrete relationships". I actually received one this morning with the subject line "Date Someone Else's Wife. Don't Deal With Headaches". This could be read one of two ways in my mind.

First, this could be implying that your wife tells you that she has a headache, but if you date someone else's wife, she won't give you that line. I believe that the modern day equivilant of "I have a headache" is "can you please just not touch me?". Perhaps, in the olden days, Donna Reed and her breed would learn that headaches kept men at bay, much like garlic to vampires. I am so glad that the world has learned to at least be a little more direct.

Another interpretation of "Don't Deal With Headaches" is that, if the woman is married to someone else, you get to go home alone afterwards and not have to listen to her bitching and moaning about her "feelings", and the "why don't you ever listen to me" baloney. This interpretation MUST be incorrect, though, since any belief that dating another man's wife would make dealing with women easier just seems flawed to me.

Guys, I hate to be the one to break it to you all, so I'm going to put this gently. If you want to date women, you will have to deal with headaches, so just accept it. Pornographers have misled you. Surprise!