4/30/2005 - Hi!

It's been a long time since I posted last, and I thought all of my sexy readers had forgotten about me. We had drifted apart. Years from now, we would look back and wonder silently, "how did something so beautiful end?" We would feel a tear well up, mourning the loss of something so special, yet holding the memories close to our hearts, like that girl who sings that country song about drinking strawberry wine and losing her virginity. Damn. That song always disturbs me.

I've been writing. Oh, hell yeah, I've been writing. I am in an English class, and I've been writing like a man on a mission, which has left me with very little desire to write more once I'm done writing for English. I have poured my soul into the English class, and there has been no soul left for you, my loyal, sexy readers.

But no more! As I write this blog post, I am working on my final paper for my English class, which must be turned in on May 4th, so, one way or the other, I will no longer be writing for my English class on that day.

Grace had suggested that I post my papers here. Maybe I will. I have written some things that I feel pretty good about. However, none of them are funny, and none of them are obsessing about women, so it would be a diversion from my original path. I'll think later about whether or not I will post things here. Until that time, I need to return to my final paper for the class, a research paper.

We were told that we could choose any topic for this research paper that we wanted to write about. After I looked around, brainstormed, came up with ideas, and threw the ideas away, I settled on the topic of propaganda. The working title is "Propaganda and the Effect of Mass Media on American Social Values".

I asked a friend of mine what his topic was, and he replied gaily, "Architecture!"

I wonder if I focus too much on things that are too deep.

4/13/2005 - Spam

Why does replying to spam subsequently generate more spam? I don't get it.

Scenario: I received an email from Michael Young, requesting that I assist him in transferring millions of dollars around because some Miguel Rosen died in a car accident in Nigeria or something like that. I don't recall his original message, because I literally receieve at least one a day, and most often I delete them. However, I had replied to his message, saying something like "What a coincidence! This is the 37th relative of mine that died in a Nigerian car crash this week. Don't you have any traffic laws over there?"

Michael replied to me this morning, saying that he genuinely is honest, and he really wants to use this money to open an orphanage. Nice touch - how could I deny orphans?

I hate to deny orphans anything. They're so... orphanly. Say the word... "orphan". Or. Phan. Look at how it's spelled - o-r-p-h-a-n. It breaks me up inside just hearing the word.

In my quest to love all the orphan children, I decided that the best thing to do is help. So I forwarded another request to transfer money from another person directly to Michael, along with this note:

Michael,

I don't doubt your honor, which is why I am forwarding the attached email, so you may assist this other gentleman.

Please don't ask me to assist you. I know I'm missing out on millions of dollars.

Keep reaching for the stars.

Is this the last we'll hear of Michael Young? Probably not.

4/13/2005 - Being Dad Is Cool

One of the coolest things about being a dad is that I get to tell my kids stale old jokes before anyone else.

One day my son's zipper was open. I looked at him and said "Your barn door is open." He looked down, realized what I meant, started zipping, and with a bright smile, replied.

"Don't want my chickens to get out!"

My kid is funnier than me.