9/27/2004 - Dating Terror Level

I have an aversion to women saying "I love you". I hate to say it, but at this age, and after all the BS I've been through, I have a hard time believing anyone in the game of love. Not that I don't think people can fall in love. I just think that people far too often fall in love with the idea of being in love, and they think that love exists with the first willing person that happened to have superficial traits that they liked.

Married women, how many of you are married to a man who had some money, or a sculpted back, or a nice car, or played a sport that you thought was cool, but you never really clicked and connected in the way that all your ridiculous movies imply should happen?

Married men, how many of you are married to a woman who was really pretty, or she did naughty things to you, or she played on your ego, but you never once had a moment with her where you felt like you were sharing good times and some laughs like you do with your friends? And now she talks about how she doesn't like your friends, and that she doesn't want them around. And she gets all irritated with you, saying that she wants to go out with her friends, but you make her feel guilty, even though you don't say anything negative, as a matter of fact you give her $100 and say "tear it up", and you don't even question anything when she comes home at 4:30 even though every bar closes at 2:00, and then you find out later that the friend she's out with, who, by the way, is married, picks up another man and brings him home and has sex with him while your wife waits in the living room, but your wife never said anything about it because you'd get mad. Hell, yeah, I'd get mad! You don't like my friend because he talks about his dog being in heat, and your friend is yelling "Cowboy, Up!"

See how I get myself worked up?

Anyway, back to the topic - I love all of my friends, but I won't say it to any woman, and I have an aversion to hearing any woman say it to me, because the following scenarios aren't a lot of fun:

"Jay, I love you."
"I know."

"Jay, I love you."
"Thanks."

"Jay, I love you."
"What did you just say?" <=== this actually happened

"Jay, I love you."
"Aw, dammit! (Sigh)... okay." <=== this actually happened, too

Now, "The L Bomb" is as predictable as a terrorist attack. Sometimes there are warning signs, and, if you don't watch yourself, you may trigger an attack inadvertently, since you never truly know what's going to set a terrorist or a woman off. Another similarity... they may have been planning it for a long time based on something you did long ago that wasn't meant to trigger them. Hence, we can establish warning levels, so we can be on our watch a little more. Perhaps put off the trip to Florida for a bit. Maybe set a little extra cash aside, and buy a little extra bottled water.

So I'm establishing my own terror warning level, which matches the Homeland Security Advisory System, but it's not quite as disturbing to the general public.

Green - Low risk of The L Bomb. It can still happen when we're green, but it would have to be some out-of-the-blue thing.
Blue - General risk of The L Bomb. I've seen a terrorist, but I don't think she's going to start acting up.
Yellow - Significant risk of The L Bomb. A terrorist has said that she enjoys time with me, and she's not been clearly relegated to the Friend status.
Orange - High risk of The L Bomb. A terrorist has started showing signs of preparation for an attack.
Red - Severe risk of The L Bomb. A terrorist has put significant effort into creating a scenario in which an attack could easily occur.

Right now, I'm at Orange. The details are classified.